Why Relationships Fail

[tconnor]

Relationship Advice #179
Why Relationships Fail

Every year for the past 25 years better than 50% of the couples that marry divorce sooner or later. Why? What are some of the critical factors that contribute to these failed relationships. Here are a few to consider.

• Unrealistic or un-managed expectations.
• The inability to positively manage conflict.
• One or both of the people in the relationship lack emotional maturity.
• One or both people lacking adequate self-knowledge.
• Believing that having a lot in common matters.
• A clouded perceptual filter.
• A lot of emotional old baggage.
• An unwilling to compromise.
• Expecting the other person to change.
• Believing that the other person should change something - anything.
• A lack of acceptance.
• Low level of trust.
• Strong personal agendas.
• The need for control. Usually the ego is involved here.
• Poor communication skills.
• A lack of respect.
• A lack of mutual goals.
• Inadequate intimacy.
• Not supporting your partner's personal growth.
• Insecurity.
• Low self esteem on the part of one or both of the partners.
• Expecting your partner to make you happy, successful or whatever.
• Love is a wonderful thing but you really need to like him or her too.
• Emotional abuse.
• Invalidating your partner.
• Expecting to find your soul-mate and that will solve everything.

There's more but I am sure by now you are really depressed. How can any relationship ever survive with so many potential negative issues? Great question. As you can see there is a great deal that can go wrong that can doom a relationship to failure. So how do the couples that survive manage the above issues. Takes lots and lots of work folks, trust me.

From my experience there are three things that people do in relationships that keep them safe, healthy and positive despite; children, career, business and/or life challenges.

1. Commitment for the long haul. They don't bail out because something goes wrong, no matter what, in the relationship.
   
   
2. Trust and respect. They function in all ways and at all times with high regard , tolerance and unconditional love when it comes to their partner.
   
   
3. They are better as individuals when they are with their partner than they could ever be alone.
   
   
4. They unconditionally love and accept themselves for who they are and who they are becoming.
   
   
5. They each keep their ego and it's need to control and manipulate out of the relationship.
   
   
6. They want the very best for their partner in every way possible.
   
   
7. They are responsible to their partner and not for them.
   
   
8. They create a safe environment where honesty prevails.
   
   
9. They validate their partner verbally and non-verbally.
   
   
10. They know how their partner needs and wants to be loved and they are willing to meet those needs.

A lot of work, Yes. Is it worth it, yes. Besides what is the price of a broken relationship vs. being willing to work on the above ten areas?

[jeni_kristina]

Relation is not a joke it means

Maintain a relation is very hard task ,make a relation is easy but maintain this relationship is really very hard
but you have a strong relationship then never you have a problem,some one make a relation but do not maintain it so relation fail.

[layla17]

That's a good list Tim. It's seems like most of my relationships have failed for one of those reasons. I guess that's why I'm not married yet.