Emotional Maturity

[tconnor]

Relationship Tip #31
Emotional Maturity

I am not a psychologist. I am not an expert on behavior.

Now that we have that out of the way I would like to share with you what I feel is one of the biggest issues in relationships today, emotional immaturity.

Every relationship has its emotional ups and downs. These are caused by any number of emotional issues. Some of the emotions that are evident in any relationship are: blame, anger, resentment, jealousy, happiness, joy, fear, guilt, emotional games, sadness, grief, pain, disappointment, unrealized expectations, cheerfulness and numerous others.

When I speak of emotional immaturity I am referring to inappropriate emotions given a certain activity, situation, or circumstance. For example, carrying resentment around for several years after the cause of the resentment isn’t healthy either physically or for the relationship. Blaming your partner for an action when they are just doing the best they can at the time with what they have is to invite a breakdown in communication and intimacy. Not being sensitive to your partners negative emotional state due to a situation in their career or life is to send a message that you are emotionally distant from their needs, desires or feelings.

There is a difference between detachment and disengagement. Detachment is when I am not responsible for how you feel. I am not responsible for your outcomes, attitudes or the consequences of your actions. When I detach from your stuff, I let you grow and learn what life wants you to learn from your errors in judgment, mistakes and actions. I am there to support you, help you where you feel I can help but you must do the work.

Disengagement is where not only do I detach, but I don’t care what is happening to you or why.

Detachment helps others grow, disengagement puts distance between you and your partner.

Emotional maturity is bringing the right amount of emotional support, connection or outlook to any situation. It is seeing clearly that this STUFF is in your life to help you grow. Each of us can contribute to our partners growth or we can sabotage it. We sabotage it when we play emotional games and stay stuck in negative emotional manipulation. We help them when we help them see clearly how their emotional state has contributed to their situation or how it keeps them stuck in the past or negative issues.