Relationship Advice

tconnor · 04-05-2007, 05:45 PM

Relationship Tip #32
Forgiveness

One of the most difficult things for people to do is forgive others for their mistakes, transgressions or errors in judgment.

Forgiveness is not about letting the other person off the hook for their behavior. Forgiveness doesn’t say, what you did was OK or acceptable. Forgiveness is about letting yourself off the emotional hook. It is releasing its negative hold on your emotions, feelings or attitudes.

The value of forgiveness is for you not necessarily the other person. For example, let’s say your parents did something to you years ago and you have not been able to forgive them for some reason. Let’s also say that they have passed on to the next world. How can you forgive them? Isn’t it too late? Yes it is too late to tell them you forgive them? They have died. But it is not to late to send forgiveness to them, thereby releasing the grief, pain or anxiety that holding on to this lack of forgiveness causes you.

Why is it so hard for people to forgive? Do we really need to hold on to any un-forgiveness about anything anyone has ever done or said to us? When we believe someone needs our forgiveness we are assuming that they did something to hurt, disappoint us or cause us pain of some kind.

Everyone is just doing the best they can to get through this life with as little stress, heartache, and trouble as they can. When someone hurts us or causes us pain is it because we had too high of an expectation for them? Is this issue really ours and not theirs? One of the greatest causes of disappointment is the unrealized expectations of another persons behavior. Sooner or later everyone you know will disappoint you in some way. It is inevitable. Does this mean then that we will always be needing to forgive others all the time. Or, would a better approach be to understand that these people do not meant to hurt you. They are not setting out to give you grief, (we are talking here about most people now. Yes I will agree that there are people who have made it their life purpose to hurt us, invalidate us, and in some way reek havoc in our lives) but to just get through their life’s circumstances, dramas or issues as best they can.

To see yourself as a victim is to wish your circumstances are to continue.

Who do you need to forgive and why? Remember forgiveness is not about the other person it is about who you are and who you are becoming.