See The Positives

[tconnor]

Relationship Tip #54
See The Positives

In an article I wrote for a previous issue of my newsletter, Life Balance, called –New love sees the relationship through a telescope and failing love sees the relationship through a microscope I shared with my readers the concept of focus.

The people in poor relationships tend to focus on what is wrong, missing, the other person needs to change and or all the negatives. In healthy relationships although there are many of these same negative issues, the parties focus on – what they have, what is working, or in general the positives.

What are some of the issues that people tend to focus on and see as either positive or negative, and by the way they are neither positive or negative. Life is a perceptual experience. If you were with another person they most likely would not have exactly the same problems with some of your behaviors that your current partner does, but they would have problems with other behaviors. I guarantee it. And vice versa.

Why do people have so much of a problem accepting the behavior of others? Is it because they think their behavior is right, better than the other persons, or even the only way? Isn’t that a hoot.

People tend to focus on what is missing. Not enough sex, cuddle time, communication issues, habits, faults etc. etc. etc. These things are not missing in the relationship. If passion or fun have left your relationship it is not because they have left the relationship, but because they are no longer in the individuals.

Take yourself back to the courting days with your current partner. They could do no wrong. Then something strange happens with the passage of time. Expectations, awareness, needs, and wants are modified for some reason. Is it external pressure from friends, “you mean he doesn’t send you flowers every day.” “You are not serious she wont do whatever for you.” It could also be due to the natural growth of the individuals or the relationship itself. It has reached a new plane. Eric Butterworth one of my favorite authors talks about how we need to learn to RISE in love not fall in love.

What is it about your partner that bugs you? Or that bugs them about you?

Most likely it is small insignificant or unimportant stuff. We just tend to make it bigger stuff.

Learn to see the positives, the good, and the benefits in your relationship. Yes the other stuff is there, but why focus on it?