Relationship Advice

tconnor · 06-14-2007, 12:17 PM

Relationship Tips #60
A Safe Relationship

In many relationships two strangers share the same bed. They know little about their significant other. There is dialog that is often superficial, self-centered, critical and judgmental. Few couples really know each other. What are some of the things you do or don’t know about your partner?

Their fears.
Their hopes.
Their dreams.
Their fantasies.
Their frustrations.
Their needs.
Their true feelings.
Their wants.

Why not spend some time tonight sharing some of these with your partner. If you can’t be honest then I will bet their may be trouble in paradise. True honesty without the fear of criticism or judgment is what I refer to as a safe relationship. Many people in relationships are more honest with friends and even strangers than the people they will spend a lifetime with.

Who do you confide in? Who really knows you? Many of us build walls around ourselves (I too am guilty of this more often than I care to admit.) to protect ourselves form the pain that others might inflict on us. It is safer to keep stuff to ourselves than risk rejection or ridicule. If your partner knew that you were more honest with someone else than them how do you think they would react?

Gradually each of us attempts to peal away the layers that protect us from a critical world. If we are successful we will emerge real. If we are not, our hidden beauty will remain a mystery to those souls that cross our path.

Some of us need more help, love and patience than others, as we tentatively bare ourselves to those around us. Some of us however never really try. We are afraid to be vulnerable. Two of my favorite books are by John Powell, “Will the Real me Please Stand up and Fully Human, Fully Alive. Find them and devour them.