Presence vs. Presents

[tconnor]

Relationship Advice #61
Presence vs. Presents

There are a number of reasons why people give their loved ones or friends presents. They are:

1. Because they love them.
2. Because they are thinking about them.
3. Because they feel guilty about not spending enough time with them.
4. Because they are trying to buy their love, admiration etc.
5. Because they want something in return (an act of barter).
6. Because they are thoughtful.
7. Because they have a hidden agenda.
8. Because they plan to leave them and are trying to ease their own guilt or suppressed negative feelings.
9. There are others but I want to spend a little time on the subject of this week’s tip so I need to move on.

One of the reasons above that people use to justify their lack of presence with those they love is to bear gifts, lots of stuff. In most case theses people would much rather have the gift of our presence than our presents.

Presents can never make up for the lack of presence. People who (and I have been guilty of this many times) believe that they can justify the lack of presence with presents fail to understand what the special people in our lives really want. They want more of us, or even some of us, or for some people even just a little of us.

You share yourself with others by “being” with them. You are not with them if when you are with them you are mentally somewhere else. I know this sentence may be a little confusing but those of you who need to do a better job of being present know who you are and I am confident you get my point.

Gifts are nice if they are given with no strings and no emotional expectations. We are only fooling ourselves when we think we can barter our gifts to satisfy our own emotional weaknesses.

Acts of barter are perceived as just that. Strings attached to anything always dilute the true meaning and value of the gift and often the giver as well.

Don’t shortchange yourself or the recipient. Give them gifts if you can do it without expecting anything in return. Better still and cheaper in the long run is to give the gift of your time, compassion, understanding, help, love and a willing spirit.