That's Not What I Meant

[tconnor]

Relationship Advice #75
That's Not What I Meant

A major cause of relationship stress is caused by misunderstanding, verbal confusion and improper interpretation of another person’s motives, agendas, verbal content, and emotional meaning. I will guarantee that in the past 48 hours you have either been misunderstood or misunderstood another person you are in a relationship with. If I am wrong, it is most likely because you are giving each other the silent treatment.

Some of the causes of misunderstanding are:

1. Hidden agendas.
2. Un-comunicated expectations.
3. Poor verbal skills.
4. Insecurity.
5. Poor self-esteem.
6. Emotional immaturity.
7. Wrongful intent.
8. Unrealistic expectations.
9. A conscious or unconscious desire to invalidate the other person.
10. A lack of desire to effectively communicate.

Misunderstandings can be avoided. Here are a few ideas to try that may help you.

1. When you are unsure of the other person’s meaning ask for clarification.
2. When you feel misunderstood, ask the other person to explain what they think you meant.
3. Keep an open mind while listening to the other person.
4. Hold off on your judgments, personal opinions and expectations while listening to the other person.
5. Make an effort to make increased eye contact while the other person is speaking.
6. If you don’t understand something, ask them.
7. Observe the non-verbal messages behind the content.
8. Listen for feelings as well as words.
9. Stay in the present moment.
10. Control distractions that may interfere with the message.

Misunderstandings do not need to take the toll on relationships as they do. If both parties will share the responsibility for the message: its accurate delivery and receipt you can dramatically reduce your stress, anxiety and frustration due to this
communication problem.