Relationship Time Together

[tconnor]

Relationship Advice #160
Relationship Time Together

I recently read a study that was done of couples and the amount of time they spent together in ‘intimate sharing’ - not sex. It stated that - the average couple spends less than 30 minutes a week in one-on-one personal intimate dialogue. If this is anywhere near accurate, it is a sad commentary on the quality of today’s relationships. (Keep in mind this time was quiet time when not: having sex, having dinner with the kids, shopping, working in the yard or whatever. It was dedicated - let’s talk time.)

You can’t build a positive, nurturing, loving and lasting relationship on 26 hours of shared time a year. It is even hard to build a real, solid, and long lasting friendship in this amount of time. How are you doing? Are you spending more than 1 hour a week in personal, intimate, real and vulnerable sharing with your significant other? If no, why not?

Here are some of the common reasons why not:

1. You have no time.
2. You are to busy.
3. One or both of you travel too much.
4. You don’t like your partner.
5. It’s not a safe environment to be vulnerable.
6. Either of you doesn’t care about feelings, needs, interests, concerns of the other.
7. Either of you don’t listen well or at all.
8. There is an ego battle going on.
9. There are too many kids.
10. Either of you have too many friends.
11. Either of you have too many outside interests.
12. Work is too demanding for one or both of you.
13. Either of you are always too tired.
14. Either of you is under a lot of stress.
15. Either of you doesn’t trust or respect you’re the other.

Are your reasons listed above? If so why not take some time and evaluate them in more detail. If you can’t do it with your significant other, then at least do it alone and come up with your own reasons or causes. Relationships that work have shared understanding, feelings, unconditional acceptance and a genuine desire for the other person to become all they can be. Relationships that tend to not work have any number of psychological games, manipulation, ego control, emotional immaturity and selfishness.

There are couples who spend very little time together and have wonderful relationships. For them it isn’t the amount of time they have but what they put into the time. These relationships are also uncommon. Time is a factor for most of us. We need time to understand, learn, grow, accept and love. These don’t come easily or instantly.