Letting Go vs. Surrender

[tconnor]

Relationship Advice #162
Letting Go vs. Surrender

One of the struggles I have fought with over the years is the distinguishing differences between the idea of letting go of something, surrendering to it or just settling - for it.

This for many of us is true in all areas of our life but it can be especially true in our relationships. We start every relationship with a dream, a hope and loads of desires that this person will (regardless of whether it is your first or tenth relationship) finally be the person that you can spend the rest of your life with. An ideal principle, one I believe in, but have to date found it difficult to live with, for a variety of reasons.

I am not suggesting that staying in the same relationship can not be a continually nurturing and growing process for both people. And I am not suggesting that if after 10, 20 or even 30 years you are still searching for your ‘ideal partner’ that either case is right or wrong, good or bad, better or worse. I am suggesting however that sooner or later each of us must decide to: let go of something; an expectation, a hope, a desire. We must learn that settling for something is not as bad as it sounds and we must come to the realization that surrender does not imply giving up or giving in - but it means to accept. And once you accept something, the struggle ends.

Here are a few of the things many people (I know I have) struggle with as they grow in their relationships with others.

• How do I maintain my identity and still give-in in certain areas?
• How do I keep my sense of self-worth when I am with an invalidator?
• How do I let go of the hurts, wrong deeds, biting words of a partner?
• How do I justify my right to maintain my own life within this relationship?
• How do I juggle conflicting personal and relationship goals?
• How do I see past my partner’s negative behavior to their positive or loving intent?

There are lot’s more but I am sure that if you spend some time thinking about this issue you will come up with many of your own personal relationship issues that may more relate to your relationship experience. Regardless, it is important to remember and understand that:

You are not your relationship and your relationship does not define you. It is just one of the many roles you play in life.