Are You Moving Ahead or Backward?

[tconnor]

Relationship Advice #163
Are You Moving Ahead or Backward?

Every relationship is either getting better or getting worse whether it is a business or personal one.

Everyone is growing either by accident, (they refuse, fight, sabotage, don’t accept the growth) or design (they purposely grow in areas where they feel it is important to improve the quality of their life). Since relationships are made up of people, the relationship is either growing by accident or design, for the same reasons and/or agendas.

The reason why this growth regardless of its impetus is contributing to a better or worse relationship is that if one person in the relationship is growing by design and the other by accident, they have different outlooks, life philosophy or attitudes about growth.

Let me give you a common example.

Many people in a relationship can be heard saying, “we are growing apart, you are not growing, I am growing faster or in different areas than you are.” It doesn’t matter how this attitude is expressed, the bottom line is that both people are growing in different areas and at different rates of speed. This is natural and normal. No two people can grow in the same way, at the same time, and at the same rate of speed.

In addition no one has the right to expect, demand or cause another person to grow when they are either not ready or interested in growth in a particular area. People change when they are ready and in accordance e with their own agendas, reasons or time frames.

This individual growth, to bring positive outcomes to a relationship, must be understood, accepted and managed by both parties if the relationship is to survive the natural shifts in feelings, attitude and new knowledge that one or both of the people involved experiences.

Relationships become stagnant when either party in the relationship or both refuse to see their own growth as well as the growth of their partner as positive, regardless of what they are learning, experiencing or feeling. Stagnant relationships are easy to spot. There is little laughter, spontaneity, respect and understanding. People stop liking their partner. They may even stop liking those things that they were attracted to when the relationship was new. They, in a sence have changed their mental filters. They are looking at the same attitudes, behavior, outlook or feelings of their partner that they once liked, through a different filter.

To prevent relationships from becoming less interesting or stagnant both parties must be willing to see their partner's growth whatever, wherever, however and whenever as O.K.

Everyone is on their own path learning what they need or want to learn to move to the higher ground. In an age of increasing pressure for quick beginnings and fast endings in relationships we are rapidly becoming a ‘throw-away’ society when it comes to the idea of developing and maintaining positive on-going relationships.