Anchoring in the Positive

[tconnor]

Relationship Tip #35
Anchoring in the Positive

What is an anchor? And I am not referring to the nautical term. It is grounding yourself with a memory either positive or negative that reminds you of how you felt, what you did or what you believed when the anchor is thought of, touched, or focused on. Let me give you a positive and negative illustration of how an anchor is used.

Positive: You were in the courting stage of your current relationship and your significant other held your hand and squeezed it in a certain way whenever he or she did or said something loving. As a result you associated the squeeze with positive loving behavior. Years later, to experience the same positive thoughts, would not require any words just a simple squeeze of your hand and you would bring your consciousness back to the positive feelings you experienced.

Negative: You have just had a terrible argument with your spouse. As they are screaming at the top of their lungs berating you for every conceivable offense they slap your hand to vent their frustration. (they are not the violent type and the purpose of the slap is more symbolic than to inflict pain) The argument ends. You are back to being friends once again but whenever your beloved slaps your hand even if it was meant to be a loving gesture would tend to bring you back to the negative feelings you had when you were having your heated argument.

In both cases you have created an anchor for your consciousness or thinking. The key in positive relationships is to develop as many positive anchors and as few negative anchors as possible.

1. Why not look at the behavior of your partner and see if you can determine where and if you have created positive or negative anchors. Discuss them with each other and see if you determine their cause or origin.
2. See if you can identify all of your negative anchors and their cause. Can you replace the negative ones with positive ones. In other words see if you can give the negative anchor a new positive meaning.
3. The other thing is to see how many new positive anchors you can create to keep you, your partner and your relationship grounded in the positive rather than the negative.
4. Make a game out of creating positive anchors.
5. When you feel yourself falling into a behavior or feeling due primarily to the anchor and not what is happening in the present moment, stop and discuss it with your partner.