The Ego in Relationships

[tconnor]

The ego needs to:

• be right.
• manipulate others.
• look good.
• be in control.

The heart wants to be happy.

When two people in a relationship lead with their egos rather than their hearts, there is going to be lots and lots of conflict. Why? Because there will be a constant battle going on between one another for control in the relationship; what to do, how to do it, when to do it etc.. The problem is, sooner or later, one or both parties will find themselves under a lot of stress or extremely unhappy as result of the constant tension and perceived manipulation.

Weakness and humility are not the most honored traits in our society. We value strength, speaking up for yourself and not being taken advantage of. As a result, most people eventually learn to lead with their ego (mind) and let the heart follow. The happiest people reverse this process. These people lead with their heart and demand that their ego take a back seat.

When you live in this way, sometimes you will be taken advantage of, not always be in control of life’s circumstances and be hurt. These drawbacks are far less painful than a life filled with conflict.

Everyone wants to avoid emotional pain. Why? Because pain hurts and life is much better when there is no pain. However, unless you are perfect, you will ultimately experience your share of emotional pain in your relationship.

The answer is not to run from the pain but to embrace it as a teacher. Learn to use your pain for personal growth. Generally people who live an ego-centric life experience less pain than those who don’t. But, they often forfeit many of life’s valuable learning opportunities as well. Don’t risk it. You either learn by accident or by design. But, you must learn. Learning on purpose is always less painful than learning by accident because you have a little more control over the learning environment and how you choose to learn life's lessons.

My Final Thought
Any relationship that is dominated by one or more egos will certainly be stressful. When one person attempts to control either the relationship or the other person, almost every decision or action will become a battle.