Emotion vs. Content in Communication

[tconnor]

Relationship Tip #42
Emotion vs. Content in Communication

We communicate on many levels but there are two primary methods of sharing information with others. They are verbal communication and non-verbal communication. About 7-10 % of our total communication in any given day is verbal. This may change slightly depending on your career, age and what is going on in your life but for the sake of this tip let’s say it is correct.

Estimates have been given as a result of research into non-verbal behavior, that 40-50% of all of our communication messages that are sent, are send via, non-verbal routes. Verbal communication comes from a persons conscious mind while non-verbal messages come from their unconscious mind. If there is an inconsistency in either of these two messages, in other words if you are getting clear non-verbal acceptance but verbal resistance, go with the non-verbal signals.

Let’s assume a spouse or significant other asks their partner what is wrong and they say “nothing”.

The words are clear enough. Nothing means nothing, right? Well, maybe so and then again maybe not. It depends on the emotional content behind the words that will determine it’s accuracy. It is difficult to describe the emotional impact of non-verbal messages with the written word, but I will try, to give you another example.

A husband/boyfriend/wife/girlfriend etc etc etc. asks their partner, do you love me? And the partner says, YES OF COURSE I LOVE YOU. Now these words can only be interpreted one way. Well yes and no and it depends.

There are people telling people today they love them and they don’t even know what the words mean.
I overheard two young teenagers (maybe 14 or 15) the other day telling each other, “OH I am so in love with you!”

Many people seem to get broad-sided in relationships from time to time because they say things like, “I never knew that was important to you,” Or, “I didn’t know you were unhappy.” Or, “I didn’t realize you were so upset.”

To see what is really going on with another person requires that you look both at the words but, that you also look beneath the words to the emotional content driving the message.